What drove me to set up DatingShoes?
February 28, 2008
Steve Hedger
Relationship Coach
and Founder of DatingShoes.com
My intention is to give people information that will positively impact their lives and help them to create relationships that will last.
When I was growing up I got so many mixed messages about relationships. I was not exposed to any real information that would help me choose what partner was right for me. With this lack of knowledge I married at a young age. Of course it did not last, I made a decision to marry based on no knowledge of who I really was. All I knew was, at the time I felt that I loved the person I was about to marry. I based my decision on this feeling, we got on brilliantly and she said she loved me! I knew one thing about me, I valued “love” and I felt that this was enough to sustain our relationship for the rest of our lives. I was so very wrong!
I Became Angry!
When I found out the truth about how to understand who I was and how easy it was to make decisions that would help my future be just the way I wanted it. I then got angry, why was I not given this information that could have saved me so much emotional pain. I begain to look at who had let me down I wanted someone to blame! I then made a better decision that supported what I valued most. I wanted to help others not make the mistakes I made by showing them what I had learnt. This is why I started relationship coaching and then decided to set up this site.
I believe that there is critical information that should be available in schools and to everyone. That information would make a massive impact on how to create the lives and relationship we most desire. A lot of adults don’t like the idea of focusing of themselves because they are not used to this concept. It’s likely that they will continue to repeat the same mistakes again and again until life gets so bad that they are forced to search for help either through depression or a pattern of failed relationships. If we were taught this in schools then this concept of learning who we are would be less traumatic in adult life.
The amount of relationship break-ups is down to a lack of education and this is not the fault of the individuals.
So whose fault is it? Is it the parents? The answer is no? Is it the fault of schools? The answer is no? Is it the governments fault? In my opinion the answer is yes, I believe that relationships should have a stronger focus in our schools! The problem is, some government officials have proven through their affairs and marriage break-ups that they don’t understand what makes relationships work either. Yet they have the power to employ the people that do, so that schools can be armed to educate our children. The social impacts that this lack of education brings are huge and costs the taxpayers millions through healthcare as a result of break-ups. Depression, stress, alcohol abuse, sexually transmitted disease, I could go on…
The role of the school is to help our children be successful in adult life. What is success and is it a good plan to only focus on certain areas of life whilst missing out on the most important?
Schools are currently set up to teach our children to be educated to a certain level so they are able to support themselves financially. What is wrong with this? Nothing at all, we all value money it is something we all want more of. But as a nation what do we value more? We value our relationships and love more. Yet it is the one area that receives such little attention. Not understanding how to build a relationship that lasts is catastrophic.
Consider this, how many people have put their whole life into creating a career that creates money for the life they always wanted, to then find that a massive portion of their income is going towards supporting a their estranged partner and children, all because this couple made a mistake in deciding to build a life together in the first place. So what was the point of that education if it only fulfils one small part of our lives? Our children’s education need to be more balance to reflect the lives we all live today. In my opinion ignoring relationships is too costly on every level, and expecting parents to fill in the gaps clearly is not fair, who made them experts on relationships? Something needs to change!
Who else thinks that fixing problems is a better plan than working out what causing problems and fixing that?
This kind of change in education would of course have financial implications but the government is already putting money and vast amounts of it into fixing the problems that could be avoided. For example; the child support agency, public funding for court appearances, councillors to support doctors not to mention the drugs needed to combat the depression relationship splits cause. Clearly there is cash available but it going into fixing the problems and not focusing on the cause. Then there is the amount of money lost in companies from employees taking time off due to relationship related problems.
I wonder if anyone knows the answer to this question? What is the actual cost in monetary terms (We know the emotional costs) that the governments lack of action in this area costing the country? And I also can’t help but wonder if it has contributed to the increasing national debt, I expect the answer is yes.
Whats all this heavy stuff doing in a dating site? Dating should be fun!
Steve says, “Yes I agree dating should be fun! That’s why this site is going to be packed with information that will make dates more enjoyable, but there is a serious side to dating. People slip into relationships without thinking and it’s this hidden danger that is our underlying message!”
I have set up this site to try to make some small difference to what I believe to be the cause of many problems we face today with relationships. I can’t make the impact a government can make but I can help to inform those embarking on relationships to think about the choices they are making and why they are making them. Most relationships start with dating so this is our focus.
DatingShoes Mission & Vision
Our Mission is to help individuals understand who they are before they choose life partners. We will do this through free information and courses. We have decided to focus on dating because this is where life-changing decisions take place. Many people choose partners without really understanding both what they want or who they are. We believe that it is this lack of understanding that is the cause of so much pain in the world of relationships. Once people truly understand what makes them happy then they are better placed to communicate that to prospective partners. They will then know what questions to ask, so they are better informed to know if a partner is right for them or not. Currently most people do not know what questions to ask of themselves, therefore, what they are communicating to a potential partner does not honestly reflect who they are. The likely result is the relationship will not work based on these weak foundations. Hence the massive divorce rate! All this starts with a date!
Our Vision is to encourage people to look at dating differently especially if their goal is to meet a life partner! We want people to be happy and enjoy their dating experiences; but armed with the knowledge that will help them to get the partner best suited for them.
